Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 07-28-2018, 03:42 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 131
Funny Ad: 2005 E350 in Austin for $3800

http://www.babyrabies.com/2018/07/da...gslist-van-ad/


https://amarillo.craigslist.org/cto/...653237007.html


A funny ad that many here will relate to. Here's the text for posterity:
***
**Update 7/27: my goodness, world. Wow. Thanks so much for all of the interest! I've loved reading your many emails, responses, and commiserations (yes, I googled to make sure that was a real word). Solidarity, fellow parents and vomit van drivers. I think the van is sold (surprising me and likely all of you), but the deal hasn't been finalized yet. Believe it or not, I have a waiting list to contact should the deal fall through. Amazing. My apologies if I don't respond to your inquiries in a timely manner. Again, thank you for all the wonderful responses. It's nice to know that we're not alone in our smelly, intermittently cooled world. God bless!**

-----------

We're selling our 2005 Ford E350 XL Extended 15 passenger van. Photos attached. In the interest of full disclosure, here's more information and a partial list of its issues. Please read before making an offer. Thanks!

The van is missing a speaker in the side door. My kids have been throwing random items in the speaker hole for years. So, you may end up with some very special treasures. Or really old chicken nuggets. Probably both.

One side of the van has a yellow scuff mark on it. That's courtesy of me and a battle with a yellow concrete parking divider (I did not win). The other side of the van has a matching white scuff mark. That one is courtesy of my wife. She completes me. In related news, you know how most cars these days come equipped with a fancy backup cameras? This one does not.

My wife and I have used this van for the better part of a decade. We're a lovely couple, but we sometimes inadvertently back into inanimate objects. Also, we've been forced to take defensive driving class a few more times than the average American. That said, there are a number of other minor scratches, dents, and places where the paint is chipped on this vehicle.

When you open the side doors, the rubber door liner is detached in some places. It still does its job, but it looks stupid.

The van came equipped with automatic door locks. Unfortunately, they no longer work. Somehow, something got reversed and the locking motor ran without ceasing until the button was pressed and held down. Rather than taking the van to a repair shop like a normal person, I duct taped the button down to keep the motor from running. At some point the duct tape failed and the motor ran until it eventually burned up or something. Anyhow, the automatic door locks don't work. Each door must be locked and unlocked manually. Duct tape is not included.

We're a family of 11. Every one of our children has thrown up in this van at some point in the past decade--most notably, on this trip: College Station Road Trip 2015. Not so great. | Josh Wood TX. We have had the van detailed a couple times since then (shout out to Xtreme Auto Re-Styling Center for tackling a level of depravity unrivaled in the world of passenger transport.) The van is clean now; but, it will probably always be inhabited by the ghost of vomit past.

The automatic windows work! This is good because the air conditioner does not. Well, it sort of works and sort of doesn't. It works fine until you accelerate past ~45 miles per hour. After that, the gas pedal essentially functions as an on/off switch for the air conditioner. Accelerate = AC off. Decelerate = AC on. I don't understand why. But, then again, as you've probably gathered by now, I don't understand most things about cars.

The windshield is cracked.

There's a 20" tv mounted to the ceiling. It works and is connected to an in-dash DVD player. This is a handy feature as it helps distract kids from the intermittent air conditioning and smell of decaying chicken nuggets.

I don't think that the front speakers work. Actually, just assume that they don't. Better yet, if you're wondering if some particular part of the van works, just assume it doesn't work in the way that Ford originally intended it to work.

I looked the van up on Kelley Blue Book. $4,396. Unfortunately, Kelley Blue Book only allows me to choose between the following conditions: excellent, very good, good, and fair. I chose "fair" since "sad" was not an option. I've adjusted my asking price accordingly.

The heater works. Also, the van has a hitch and wiring for a trailer.

In order to save myself a bit of time answering requests for more information, I've decided to add a FAQ section below:

FAQ

Q: "Have you performed all proper maintenance and religiously changed the oil every 3,000 miles?"

A: [laughter] No. No, I have not. Does this article make you feel better? It made me feel better. https://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/11/y...shortcuts.html

Q: "Are those 143,000 miles mostly highway miles?"

A: Well, a lot of them are. However, we've been using this van as our farm van for the past year or so. Also, in efforts to find quicker routes, I've been known to disobey Siri's directions. These "shortcuts" have sometimes taken us on exotic, off-road adventures. I'm pretty sure those miles cancel out all of the so-called "highway miles."

Q: "Is the registration current?"

A: Yes! It should be noted, however, that first 3 letters of the current license plate are FRT. We have five boys under the age of 12 in our house. This is a very unfortunate combination.

Q: "How are the tires and the brakes?"

A: They seem to be ok; but, as with everything else, I recommend getting them checked out. I did buy the tires at Discount Tire, so there's a warranty with them.

One last note: I recommend getting this thing checked over by a mechanic before buying. Everything under the hood looks and sounds fine to me; but, then again, I would have no idea if it didn't look or sound right.
__________________

SMB123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-2018, 06:20 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
Twoxentrix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Annapolis, Maryland
Posts: 935
Garage
That made my day !
__________________

__________________
TwoXentrix
"AWOL"
Twoxentrix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-2018, 06:32 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
shenrie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: boise idaho
Posts: 2,057
Garage
That was great, thanks for posting!
__________________
"understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of your car, oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of your car, horsepower is how hard your car hits the wall, and torque is how far your car moves the wall."
shenrie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

» Sportsmobile Registry

Agnes

alta825

AWOL

Twoxentrix
Add your Sportsmobile
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3
Disclaimer:

This website is not affiliated with or endorsed by Sportsmobile SIP or any of its affiliates. This is an independent, unofficial site.


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:37 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.